you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
