then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
