Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Someone stole a lamp last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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