1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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