our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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