She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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