I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
