No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
