somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
