i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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