What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
