so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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