Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
