could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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