let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
