were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
