like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
