Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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