im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
