I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
