I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
