I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
