Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
