Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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