Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to align my fucking chakras
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize