I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
