hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
