i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
