I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
