I think my fart just growled at me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
