No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hippo gnu deer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We don't watch enough power rangers
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
