Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
