I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
