She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize