Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
