I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize