We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
