Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize