Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
