I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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