I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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