remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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