I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
