i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
