Im at strip club and am horny
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
