I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you made out with another girl for some wings
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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