Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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