you would pick up someone in the library
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
