Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize