Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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