apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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