Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
