listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
