I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize