She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
