Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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