Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
