I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
