Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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