She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this boner is exhausting
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
