i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
