oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
