turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize