The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize