Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
