i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
