if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
