Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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