Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
