Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
