you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
