omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
