He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
