I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
