you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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