It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize