just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
These tits shall not be calmed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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