real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize