The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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