i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
