I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize