I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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