addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
