Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
