Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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