do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
