i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
