so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize