dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
