Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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