You can't motorboat a personality
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
