Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
