I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
