I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
