they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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