Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
