Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
