I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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