Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
